A take, take me home good day to each and all, and a fun, fun, fun to this beautiful new day, today that we have been dancing with since before the sun came up.
We were a bit surprised to see that we had run 10,000 miles in less than 100 days since we last saw NH and Dulcinea. If we hadn’t smartened up the last month we would have hit that number even sooner, which just shows how ridiculous we have been. That’s a lot of miles! We have been at both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, The Gulf of Mexico, and the Canadian Border during these travels. We have visited all our clients, several folks that refer clients to us, all the liars, we mean lawyers around the country that we have had to hire for clients, and managed several visits with our son in Boise as well. We have been in each of the 4 time zones multiple times and many days were in several. It has been quite the 100 days!
You can’t run though, when love is in your heart, so it is more a hiding than a running, although we did muster along the way the strength and courage to block her number and have been able to stand strong and not unblock it. She still has our email to reach us but that is not likely, it lacks the control and manipulation always there with voice and text, and we have yet to receive one. It also takes more clarity to put sentences and paragraphs together and to communicate thoroughly any points or reason for the communication. When you can’t say no to someone and nothing good comes out of it you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t, there is no peace. When we are around her it is torture because we are the number one enemy of her addictions and so have to be hurt and punished in any and all ways possible to her! We endure that while worrying constantly, and always end up hating our self for not being able to help her to the point where we feel like we are helping her kill herself. When we are not around her we constantly worry about her but at least are not tortured at will and hating our self for helping her kill her self. We’re not running from her, we’re running from who and what we become when around her because of the choices she makes. You can’t help anyone not willing to help their self is a very, very tough lesson when learned the hard way! Really, really…
We are well, yep, always well, and even managed to squeeze in a haircut today and might get some laundry done tomorrow. We are very good at taking care of others but not as adequate at taking care of our self, although we have learned, because we constantly forget to eat, that when you get dizzy you need food. lol We are so like a nutty professor, anything and everything but us is important stuff! Hahahahahahaha…
We are feeling better and doing better, all around, since we finally stopped driving almost daily, and have been getting back into our groove so to speak. We’re even back playing chess on the computer. We love chess and have always just found computer chess programs to play and would start at the lowest level and stop and go on to another program after we could beat the program at its highest level. Most go from level 1 to level 10, and we are currently up to level 6 on the chess program we last downloaded. When we play chess we can only play well when solid and in a good place internally, so chess has always been a good barometer for us to pay attention to, and right now we are in a very good place internally again and pushing forward as many moments as we can.
Our son is well into his program at school and should be graduating in early October, the first week. We’ve visited a few times and will make sure to be there for graduation. He’s been applying for work in the Northwest but we found out his girlfriend from Berlin is going to visit him for a week and his mother has submitted his resume and application at the local electric company there as well, so we see some internal strife ahead for him, for sure. He was so adamant that there was nothing serious with the girl and that he was going to stay out west and never return to the Berlin area, and was even voted in his Yearbook as Most likely to leave and never return, but our experience and from what we have seen with him so far tells us that he is ill prepared for the real world and may actually, if he isn’t careful, end up back in Berlin. We have already told him we care not what he does, is his life and we only want him to follow his heart and be happy as many of the choices he makes as he can be, and told him we all live our mistakes, but that if he chooses that route not to say that there was nothing he could do and “they”, whoever “they” may be, made him. lol He wasn’t even really applying at as many places as he should or with the due diligence he should have for it, but we made sure to change that and have been on him steady to apply anywhere and everywhere so he can have as many options available as possible and be able to properly decide which job opportunity to accept. We’ll have to wait and see… Ed says we should try and stay on him and visit more but we already make the poor kid’s head hurt and he says we are like an old sorcerer. lol The reply we see the most from him in his texts is ugh so we know we are doing him right. Hahahahaha…
Everything else is rocking and rolling, and the clients are all happy and we are earning our paper. We get as much thinking and thunking in every day as possible and have been very good at limiting our external interactions if a choice, after our fall when we first left NH. It takes a while to get back where you should be when you fall off track, and when you are where we are in the waters of consciousness you know you never return to where you were, it is always now a new route and different. We will not be where we were when we fell off our true self true path even when we get there, for that “spot” will be different and we will be different, so everything about it will be different. We may not even know when we reach that”spot” or get further on down our true self true path than that “spot” was, we’ll never know. Wherever we are is always just the next position from which to move forward from, and as long as we wake up with that thought every day we are lucky enough to wake, well, we figure we’re at least headed in the right direction, a better us, ours, our world, for a better world.
This day has been trying to trip us up and step on our toes all day and this day aint over yet, so we better quit our Nobo Dy, Commander Cray Cray foolish rambling and get back to the dance and give it a few more chances to whoop our butt, perhaps for good finally, before this day is done. Charging up our hills of the day, any day, this today, it’s what we’re suppose to do, being and bringing our best to as many moments as we can, putting out as much good energy as we can and doing as much good as we can. It aint easy, but like we love to say, life aint for the weak, and we aint the type to get in the river so back at it with all we’ve got is our only option. It always is! Bwahahahahahaha…
Peace