A wicked as ya want to be good day to each and all, and a wink and a smile to this beautiful new day, today, that we are experiencing, or at least we think we are experiencing, you never know.
We remember lamenting how April just seemed to poof and was gone it went so fast. Of course we spent most of it waiting for the RV for one reason or another, but still, we were working and traveling.
We have to say, although we spent some of May doing the same thing due to parts needing to be ordered and such, and June we have spent pretty much on the road with clients, they have also flown right by, and we are befuddled how July is already upon us. That means half the year is already gone!
We managed to make it back to NH no worse for wear an tear and our son’s graduation was awesome. After that we were still foolish enough to stick around for a few extra days in the hopes of convincing Dulcinea to check into Dartmouth or rehab or anything that would get her the help she needs to get herself back and off opiates. We of course were unsuccessful and after picking up a few new tailored suits at George’s (quite famous for them) in Manchester), we had no choice but to head off, alone in love with a dead girl that can’t feel internally or externally. Oh well!
Free will gives any of us the right to throw our life away and there is nothing anyone else can do about it. You can’t help anyone not willing to help their self. When you love an addict you run out of tears! Eventually though, you start to hate yourself, because you feel like if you can’t save them, if you can’t help them, you are actually helping them self destruct, helping them die, right before your eyes. In this instance, knowing her for almost 5 years, we have watched her deteriorate physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, the whole shebang, and it is horrible to endure and has been. Oh well…
After being gone for 16 months it broke our heart to see her so much worse than when we left. More jail like tats, tons less clarity, which was both sad and painful to see and endure, and of course worse physical shape. You can’t stay on opiates forever! You can’t use prescription Suboxone and add alcohol regularly without serious consequences physically and mentally, and it is devastating her. Oh well…
We ran once because we couldn’t say no to her when she would knock on the door in the middle of the night or when she would call crying for help or screaming in anger. We thought if our presence wasn’t helping perhaps our absence would, we would surely do anything to help her and would gladly give our own life to save hers, but it is obvious there is nothing we can do and she is further and further worse and worse, a zombie, a dead girl, so when we did leave this time we did it very painfully knowing that we would probably never see her again, never hold her in our arms and know she was safe again. There isn’t much left of her, who she is, or should we say who she was. Such a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, talented human being just thrown away, by choice, by her own choice, thanks to free will. Oh well…
Forward is the only direction any of us can ever go and it is the only thing we can ever do to stay alive, stay living and loving hard, always forward, always forward… How to do that is always the dilemma though! When you’re in love with a woman though you don’t pay attention to other women, you just don’t see them the same way, it is more like a movie show on a screen, they are noticed but not of interest because there is no real, no connection internally, and having felt it nothing else has value… Now we see why men use to join the French Foreign Legion to forget a woman!
Now, like Don Quixote we love our Dulcinea from afar, pure and chaste. She is in our heart, in our mind, but not in our life by her choices and there’s nothing we can do about it except to accept it, try to understand, and continue forward, always forward… Somehow! There are only three things any of us can ever control, and those are our own thoughts, our own words, and our own actions, and we have to accept everything else as it is and as if it is exactly as we wish it was, because everything is what it is and that’s what it is whether we like it or not. All we can do is bring and be our best, then hope for the best but expect the worst, or we’ll only be disappointed…
All you can do is bury your self in work, and we do. We’ve picked up a few more clients and they are all very happy with us and we are helping them with a variety of things. We have clients now in Florida, Alabama, Washington State, Idaho, Texas, Massachusetts, New York, Pennsylvania, Arizona, and Ohio, and am helping them with lawsuits in even more states. lol
We’ll stay on the road, is our only chance for now, for our sanity, and we went south when we left Manchester for the last time. We went all the way back to Florida and then Alabama and then back to Philly and then NYC, the soul sucking capital of the world. We have long said that in Midtown if someone walks up to us with one leg it is probably an illusion. The place is nothing but a hustle!
We’re heading west soon. Our boy is in Lineman School in Idaho until the end of October and we have clients in Washington State, so we are going to visit him on the way through and then stick around in the Northwest until he graduates. After that we’ll head slowly down the west coast and use the winter months to cross the bottom of the country visiting clients and down into Florida, almost to Miami, before heading back north before the heat returns. Being a skinny white boy and now having the ability to go where we want there is no reason to sit in the heat or even worse the humidity and heat of the south during the summer. We’re learning, summer in the north and winter in the south, duh, makes sense.
The RV is awesome, and as we settle in we love it more and more. We’re still rearranging things all the time as we get efficient and comfortable, knowing what we need and use often and what we need and use not so often comes with time.
The inverter is wonderful. It’s a 2000 watt. We’re considering getting another one so we have 4000 watts, which is normally what a full size RV has with a generator, even though we can’t foresee ever needing that much juice. As it is now we have gone as long as 14 hours without starting the engine and always have had plenty of power for the lap top, the phone charger, the fan, the fridge, the lights. We could not be happier with the inverter and love the quiet of no generator. It charges with the solar panels and also a wind fan or by plugging into like a house outlet, or just through the alternator on the engine when we are driving or even idling. We recommend it!
We were having trouble getting parts for our hot water system though. Everywhere we went wanted to order parts or have us come back, after telling us they had them or that they could do it when we showed up. We were forced to shower at Pilot Travel Centers or RV Campgrounds along the way until we had enough after a few weeks. We ordered the parts our self and went further, we purchased a Coleman Hot Water on Demand to use until the parts are installed. The Coleman Hot Water On Demand is outstanding as well, and we recommend it. It runs on a 16 ounce propane tank, comes with a collapsible 5 gallon water tank, and has a 5 foot hose on the shower head. You can drop the pump into a bucket of water or attach it to the collapsible water tank and just turn it on it’s side so it drains from the bottom. The heat is almost instant and there’s plenty of pressure, and it takes just a few minutes to set up and to put away. Heck it works so well that we have been using it in our shower and haven’t even stopped somewhere to have the part installed yet on the hot water system, and we shower once or twice a day with it. Our fresh water tank holds 350 gallons and we’re getting two plus showers out of the 5 gallon collapsible before turning on the shower faucet and filling it up again.
So we are well, as well as we can be as we work forward, we are always well. You enjoy the highs and hope they last and you endure the lows and know they will pass, that’s all you can do. Forward, always forward. There is nowhere else to go, unless we want to get in the river, and we aint that way. We know life is about suffering and is not for the weak but not supposed to be. You have to keep moving forward, wanting to be more, wanting to love more, wanting to put out more good energy, wanting to do more good, that’s all you can do, but you have to do it, no matter what, no matter freaking what…
Life is short, so be happy, but we can only be happy if living and loving hard, if we’re continuing forward, always forward, a better us and ours and our world, for a better world. We have to shine our light and own our days, be our best self, or we might as well get in the river…
Peace